605am
Note: Sorry if this doesn’t make sense all together for you. It was my freestyle thinking early in the morning.
There are so very few people who can really listen to you.
When a child says: “I don’t know how.” Maybe he really is saying: “Teach me, please.”
And when she is saying: “I don’t want to” Maybe she is saying: “You make me feel like you are not pleased with me, why should I try to please you anyway?”
And when they share their dreams and crazy ideas, we pretend we are listening by staring at them, but it takes more to really hear their heart.
So many times I have felt that, when I try to share a deep desire, people just gives their opinion trying to force what they think is better, overlooking my feelings and fears. They are real, you know? My fears I mean. My voice is not less real than my being alive. My feelings might not be always loyal, but that doesn’t make them less tangible.
Is 6:05 a.m. and the girls are getting up slowly. We barely have some daylight and the mountains stand in the back behind the silhouettes of Yesenia and Lucero sitting on their beds. Lucero is staring, doing nothing else. Makes me wonder if she still wants to leave the Home. The lights of the city are still shining like fallen stars at the feet of the volcanoes. I am playing music and have the earphones on, for a moment thought of taking them off but then I heard Rosita telling them to hurry with her particular voice tone, and encouraged me to not turn the music down a bit.
My computer is falling apart as I write here. Some of the girls look and smile at me as they go downstairs to the bathroom. Zulmira just came all the way to my bed to give me a good morning kiss and a precious smile. These girls don’t give up on smiling. They know their feelings are real and they are willing to fight for them.
I have seen that smile fade away. It is a painful view. Their eyes confused with a twitch of fear. Why can’t they smile? Is it that bad that a girl takes a pause in the morning? I have to breathe deep to not loose it..